One night, I was talking to Rocky and constantly complained like a crazy bitch about my relationship with my new boyfriend. Thing was, my boyfriend is great. And that makes me an asshole for trying to screw things up when evrything is in fact going well!
Is it true that MAYBE I dont like my life to be perfect? MAYBE, I have a perfect-o-phobia when it comes to relationships. Have I taken my "flaws make things extra beautiful" principle too far that I practically panic everytime something is going smoothly well?
Now I'm thinking about my previous relationships. Of the four relationships in the past, it was always me who called it quits.Well, one of them broke up with me and then tried to win me back after two days. I said no to her. So technically...it was me who ended all of my relationships back then.
Am I only after the chase and excitement? That without these, I will be moving on to another person to again experience the bliss of not exactly knowing each other's status for one another? That maybe I'm only into conquering undiscovered turfs. That I'm not ready yet to REALLY settle down. Have I taken having relationships too seriously too soon that I wasn't able to enjoy the fun in tasting the world? And that now my body is starting to rebel and it wanted to be free and be out there to take on the things that it's lusting for?
Maybe it's not my ex-s who are not relationship material. MAYBE...
...it's me.
2 comments:
over the weekend we saw this piece on the Today show about how the way we approach relationships is directly impacted by how are parents behaved whether to each other or to us.
i wonder what your parents must have done to make you come to this kind of a conclusion about yourself
ykcor- Nah. Im a firm believer that my parents have nothing to do with whoever I am right now.
Thats an excuse people use who are afraid to own up the decisons they make or to whoever they have become.
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